Lessons in Living Fearlessly
I was recently invited to speak at a local college for International Women’s Day, where I shared lessons that deeply resonate with me. Reflecting on these lessons has made me intensely grateful for my journey. The lyrics from a song by Lina encapsulate this feeling perfectly:
Through my adversity, I discovered me. I know where I’m going, I love where I’ve been, and I’d do it all again if in the end, it makes me the woman I am.
— Lina, “I Am”
1. See Yourself as You Aspire to Be
Growing up, I always knew I was destined for something special. This belief was instilled in me in 2nd grade when, at the start of the school year, I was skipped to the 3rd grade. This marked the beginning of a life where I never limited my vision of myself by my surroundings. Despite living in 10 different homes and attending a different school each year due to the results of addiction (evictions, a fire and homelessness), I always saw myself as different, inspired by the powerful images of black women executives and college presidents in Ebony magazines at home. I knew that I was smart and that I could choose a different life.
2. Never Stop Learning — Be a Student of Your Craft
I have always been eager to learn, whether in my professional roles or in my marriage of 32 years. This humility and openness to learning have been the bedrock of my growth.
3. Become Intensely Self-Aware
Thanks to the guidance of a few key individuals, I embarked on a journey of self-awareness early in my career. From acting lessons to better control my non-verbal expressions to embracing my space and voice at Microsoft, I learned the importance of self-awareness and its impact on personal and professional life. As a result of my own self awareness, I can quickly spot it in others.
4. Know When You Are the Problem and When You Are Not
Before being promoted to Vice President, I received feedback on my “informal communication” skills. Working with an executive coach, I learned about myself and realized that some feedback reflected my manager’s insecurities rather than my own shortcomings. The very thing she thought I should improve was later praised by others.
5. Don’t Make Fear-Based Decisions
A job opportunity at Microsoft prompted me to move from New Jersey to Washington State, challenging me to overcome my fears and step into the unknown. This decision was pivotal, leading to experiences that have significantly shaped my life. Now whenever considering a decision, I really consider the role of fear and if I’m afraid – I confront it head on and rule it out of decision.
6. Don’t Follow Money, Follow Purpose
My dedication to community service and the profound impact of losing my mother to cancer and then a year later- my own cancer diagnosis led me to pursue a career in the nonprofit sector. Despite the challenges and a significant pay cut, this shift aligned with my purpose, eventually leading to recovery in terms of salary and more importantly satisfaction.
7. Don’t Let Anyone Else Define Your Success
After surgery threatened my mobility, I refused to accept limitations, although my very skilled oncologist told me I would never walk normally again. I researched and chose aqua therapy and weight loss to regain my strength. This determination allowed me to walk normally again, proving that success is defined by our own beliefs and efforts.
8. Lean Hard into Your Strengths
Understanding my strengths and weaknesses has allowed me to focus on what I do best, surrounding myself with people who complement my abilities.
9. Seek Intentional Joy
I’ve cultivated a practice of finding joy in the moment, whether it’s a brief pause to admire a rainbow or other simple pleasures. This intentional pursuit of happiness has enriched my life in so many ways. No matter how busy I am, I always take time for intentional joy.
10. Have a Destination, but Enjoy the Journey and Don’t Be Afraid of Detours
Life is full of surprises and experiences. Embracing detours and the opportunities they present has taught me the importance of enjoying the journey, not just the destination.
Living fearlessly doesn’t mean the absence of fear but facing it head-on and making choices that align with one’s authentic self and purpose.
What are your life lessons?